Porcelain Doll
by MorganRay
Summary: She was their plaything for so long. Now that she’s free again, Cho tries to find pleasure in love, but innocence left her long ago with loneliness as her only lover.


bcenterPorcelain Doll/b

By MorganRay /center

Summary: She was their plaything for so long. Now that she's free again, Cho tries to find pleasure in love, but innocence left her long ago with loneliness as her only lover.

Her churning stomach made her bolt upright, and she pressed her hands against her forehead. The sun cut through the window, and she shielded her eyes against the bright light that reflected off the snow outside.

"Shit," Cho whispered as her stomach tripped over itself. She staggered out of bed and leaned over the trashcan. She heaved several times, and the purge calmed her somersaulting stomach. She rocked back on her heels and massaged her temples since her head felt heavy enough to snap her neck free of her body.

i Where am I? /i Cho asked herself. She stared down at her naked body, and she felt her insides sink. i Oh yeah, /i Cho remembered as she stared up at the lump on the bed. The mound stirred and rolled over to see where its bed companion went. Squinting to try and block out as much light as possible, the man rolled over and sat up.

"Hey, uh, it's late, isn't it?" the man asked, and Cho shrugged. i Why should I know? I don't care what time it is, /i she thought as she looked up at the man again. She frowned as she realized how blotchy his skin looked in the daylight. Now that she could see his thinning hair and the slight puffiness of his stomach, she realized he might be older than she initially thought last night.

The man climbed out of bed and threw on a robe. "I have to get a bunch of work done," he muttered. i They always do,/i Cho thought bitterly as she raised herself off the ground. She searched around the bed until she found all of her clothes. As the man entered the bathroom, Cho snapped her bra together and pulled on her underwear. In the bright, afternoon light, the green tank top that resembled bright, shimmering fish scales, left Cho cold, and the small skirt didn't make her feel less naked.

She raked her hands through her hair when the man came out of the bathroom. "Uh, need anything?" he asked hesitantly.

Cho shook her head. "Nothing you can give me," she told him as she went over to get her purse and coat. i Go back and lie to your family or whatever you do, /i Cho thought, and she wished he hadn't offered her anything at all.

"You left your number, right? I'll give you a call," the man shot out the standard line, but Cho made her way quickly out the door. Cho rolled her eyes when she was outside. i You'll call alright,/i she thought as her heels clopped down the stairway. As she left the apartment, the cold air collided against her skin.

i Snow? When did it snow?/i Cho wondered as she quickened her pace. She ducked into an alley, and with a 'pop', she Apparated out of that neighbourhood. She landed in the alley beside her own apartment, and to her dismay, it snowed here during the night, too. The white dust made her exposed toes purple, blue, and numb.

i What is with this? I hate snow in October. /i Cho thought as she tapped her apartment door with her hand to let herself inside. She slammed the door behind her and locked it before slipping out of her shoes.

As she poured herself a glass of water, Cho thought, i It happened again, and I'm glad I don't remember any of it clearly. He was a lot older than I thought last night. /i Cho set her glass down and went back to her bedroom. Without removing her clothes, she collapsed in her bed.

center************/center

"Hell, doll," the man cooed as he entered the room. Cho kept her eyes looked on the scuffed floorboards. She had been running errands, just getting something to eat . . .

Finally, she murmured, "Why am I here? I'm not in school anymore."

"I know," the short, plump man chortled as he walked over and lifted Cho's chin up to his eye level. A smirk pulled up one side of his mouth, and Cho felt herself flinch as he looked at her like a piece of meat.

i Just let me go, /i Cho mentally pleaded because she was afraid what might happen if she begged this man. She had a perfectly good idea who he was, and she knew all the strikes against her family. They were immigrants, and even though her mum was a pureblood, her dad was Muggleborn, but she didn't think she needed to hide.

The man ran a pudgy hand along her cheek and the entire way down her neck, and Cho felt a wave of relief pass through her as he decided to stroke her arm instead of continuing to touch her face and body. However, she noticed his eyes never rose above her chest.

"I heard some doubt about your blood, doll," the man spoke as if he were reporting on the weather.

"I-I'm pureblood. I swear," Cho choked out the words as the man continued to rub his hand along her arm. As tears began to sting her eyes, he moved his hand around to her back and patted it.

"There, there," he muttered, "I'm sure people will believe you."

Cho swallowed the lump in her throat. "Really? I-I thought – "

"Uh, uh, shhh," the man cut Cho short. As he reached back around to stroke her cheek, he whispered, "No one will believe i you, /i but I think they'll believe i me. /i I'm a professor, after all."

Cho trembled, but she asked the question, "W-what do y-you want?"

The man's lopsided sneer engulfed him entire face and made him look like a shark. As he ran a hand down Cho's shirt, he muttered, "Oh, I think you know, doll."

center**********/center

The black liquid slid effortlessly over the edge of her eyelids. Cho put the liner down and applied her lipstick with several sweeps over her lips, and she didn't need the mirror because the motion became a habit long ago.

Cho threw on her coat and stalked into the icy night. She wrapped her arms around herself and ignored her freezing legs. iI'm going to be late, /i Cho thought as she walked the block to the little, brick building crammed between two newer apartments. She walked down the alley and entered through the back door, and sure enough, a balding, fat man stood there, waiting for her.

"You're late! Get out there!" he snapped and pointed to a rusty, red stage door. "You're keeping the customers waiting!"

"Yes," Cho muttered as she slipped off her coat before taking off the short skirt and t-shirt. Quickly, she picked out one of the lacy corsets and slipped it over her body. It buttoned up the front, so she never had to untie it. In under a minute, Cho snapped her outfit into place and proceeded to go through the stage door.

As the throbbing music hit her ears, she gazed out at the sea of faces that were strange and familiar. The rhythm filled her body, and she let the faces blend and bleed together like watercolours. These moments, of just being a figure, allowed her to step away from everything that belonged to Cho Chang. As a twirling figure on some distant stage, she had no pain and no past. By now, she was exceptionally good at pretending to enjoy herself.

center*********/center

Her entire body trembled as the strong, paw-like hands yanked the strings of the corset tighter. Tears leaked from Cho's eyes as she gasped for breath while he constricted her chest. The man finally released her, but Cho only tried to hide her sobs. She wrapped her arms around her chest to try and make herself feel less naked.

"Turn around. Amycus said you were a pretty, Mudblood whore," the man demanded, and Cho strangled the sob that threatened to break her body. The slap sent her sprawling across the floor, and through blurry eyes, Cho looked up at her attacker.

"I itold you/i to look at me!" the man growled, but Cho could only see a hulky shadow through her blurry eyes. However, she staggered to her feet and stood, her legs shaking, in front of the man.

"Better," he snapped, and now, she could see his pock marked skin and yellowed, crocked teeth. "Go up there and dance."

"I-I can't," Cho stammered. i I don't want to. Just let me go, /i Cho thought, but she knew they brought her out of her box to do a job.

His wrist flicked out and fire erupted across her face. "I i told you/i to go dance!" the man roared, and Cho staggered onto the make shift stage. She turned around a couple of times and tried to make up some motions that might look attractive, but all of her limbs felt heavy. i I'm not doing this right, /i Cho thought as she began to weep again, but the man wasn't looking at her face.

With a single bound, he jumped on the stage and pulled her close to him. She struggled, but he pressed her lips against his dry, cracked mouth. Her nose breathed in the odour of his black, greasy moustache, and she tried not to gag. When he touched her, her tears felt hot and angry, but she learned toys could never fight back.

The door slammed open, and the man released Cho. She backed away and slumped down against the wall. "I thought you said she was mine for a while," the man snarled as the squat, plump wizard entered the room with that same lopsided sneer on his face.

"We need to question her. After she tells us where her friends are, she's all yours," the squat wizard said as he made his way over to Cho, who scooted away as he approached her.

"Problem, doll?" he muttered in her ear. "You just talk to us about your little friends, and it'll all be over real quick, you see?"

Cho shook her head and trembled as the man ran his hand over her bare thigh. Cho looked up to see the witch with the pointed chin and crooked teeth stride into the room. "Brother, let me do it," she snapped, and Cho jerked away from the snarling witch. "You men, you think she's so pretty. You go easy on her. I'll get her to talk."

Cho shuddered and sunk down into the corner as the witch pulled out her wand.

"i Crucio!/i"

center*********/center

Work ended hours ago, and she found herself staring down into another empty glass. She left without anyone that night, and went to some Muggle bar where no one knew her. In her cotton t-shirt, she thought she didn't look nearly as appealing, but she still hoped for something tonight.

As she motioned for the bartender to bring her another drink, she looked up when a new group of people come into the bar. Two couples walked over to the table in the corner, and Cho stared at the one woman, her head resting against a tall, blonde man's shoulder. He whispered in her ear before they sat down, and they kissed for a moment, and even when their kiss ended, it seemed to linger in the air between them.

Even with bleary eyes, Cho could tell this man was handsome and well built. Her gut clenched as a familiar, warm feeling spread through it. i I'm not hallucinating those lovely, gray eyes, /i Cho thought as she forced herself to turn away from the couple.

"Another one, please," Cho asked the bar tender, who paused and flexed his lips, as if to tell Cho something. Then, he turned and filled up the glass with only a frown as a warning. She took a drink, and after a moment, the familiar bitter feeling faded away, but the sour aftertaste remained in her mouth.

She let her mind drift on the sea of fuzziness the alcohol provided. She slumped her head on her hand and stared down at the wooden counter top. In the chilly bar, she remembered the warm springs of years ago and the nights outdoors when she should have been inside doing her homework. She remembered sneaking off in the evenings, right after dinner but before curfew, to go for walks across the Hogwarts grounds when the first airs of spring smelled sweet and fresh.

i Everything seemed so new, /i Cho thought of the times before everything became about hiding, screaming, and crying. Back then, she picked the wild flowers in spring and enjoyed every embrace. She didn't shudder when she was touched because it was as natural as breathing. She remembered that world, which disappeared in one, cracking moment, through rose coloured lens.

i Now, it's just cold, but I used to like this winter, too, /i Cho thought as she traced her fingertip along the edge of a dark, black knot in the wood. In the old days, the winter even felt warm, the cold bearable, and the snowflakes seemed filled with magic. She remembered the sparkle and the butterflies that twirled in her stomach, but now, only alcohol made her stomach flutter and swirl. i Maybe I was just young, /i Cho thought as she finished her drink. i Maybe this happens to everyone when they get old./i

Cho looked up for the bartender, but he seemed to have slipped out on a break. She sighed and stared around the bar. She spotted his back in the sweater that seemed to fit him perfectly. Before she could let herself think, Cho slipped off the stoll. Catching herself on the edge of the bar, she found her feet and strode over to the man.

"Hey," she called as she tapped his shoulder. With a smile plastered on his face, and a laugh still hanging on his lips, he turned to look at her.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" he asked, and Cho stood there. Her mouth fell open, but the other couple stood nearby, and her eyes fell on his woman. i This one is not mine,/i Cho thought.

"No, no, you don't," Cho muttered. The man bit his lower lip, and Cho wasn't drunk enough to realize he felt embarrassed, but not for her.

"Hey, we need to be going," the woman said as she came up and took the man's hand. With a quick, sharp look at Cho, the woman led the man out of the bar. Cho stood in the middle of the room and watched the two pairs disappear out the door. The gust of chill air that followed in their wake brought Cho down from her trance, and she staggered back to the bar.

"Another one, please," Cho asked the bartender.

This time, he took the glass and shook his head. "No, not tonight," he told Cho.

"I'm paying," Cho grumbled. "Can I at least get a drink?"

The bartended propped his arms on the counter and bent over to look into Cho's eyes. "You know him?" he asked her as he gestured towards the door.

Cho shook her head and said, "No, no, no, I don't know him. This city's just so lonely, you know? There's so many people . . . I wish I did."

The man frowned as he changed his mind and poured Cho another drink. As he slid it across the table, he said, "I see you in here a lot, and I think you need this. Planning on going home with anyone new tonight?"

Cho stared up at the man. i He has nice eyes. I've done worse, /i Cho thought as she finished the drink. "Do you want me to? I'm always ready."

"I know," the bartender said as he took away Cho's glass. "That was the last one, by the way, and have you tried, you know, getting a guy in a little bit more of a respectable way? Not that a one night stand isn't nice, and I'm not judging, but if that's all you do . . ."

Cho snorted. "The real way? That didn't work for me. Me, me, I'm done, just done, with respectable," Cho muttered as she leaned closer to the bartender. "Come on, you're pretty nice, and I'm pretty lonely."

The man shook his head as a frown tugged his lips down. "I'm on duty tonight," he teased, but no smile touched his lips.

"Are, are you really not interested?" Cho asked. "No one is ever i not /i interested. Everyone wants to feel good."

"Do you feel good?" he asked Cho, who started to giggle. Before she knew it, tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Hell no, I don't feel good," Cho laughed through her tears. "I haven't felt good in years, and I've only been feeling worse."

The bartender poured Cho a glass of water and handed it to her. "On the house," he muttered.

"Thanks, but that doesn't take the edge off it," she told him. "Nothing, not even victory or revenge, nothing, makes me feel good. You know, I want to fuck and like it again. It's been so long since I've felt good, just good, not even great, but just okay in anyone's arms."

"I'm not gonna be able to help you with that," the bartender told Cho.

She only shrugged. "It's fine. No one does."


End file.
